Patchy's Blog


A long time ago there was this show called Prison Break. Patchy thinks it came on in 2005 or something. It was a long time ago.

Prison Break was the craziest show ever. It was about a guy named Michael who gets tattoos of a prison’s blueprints all over his body and then gets himself arrested by robbing a bank so he can break his brother out of death row using those blueprints. CRAZY, RIGHT!? Well it it gets crazier. Trust Patchy on this.

It runs out Michael’s brother Lincoln was framed for murdering the Vice President’s brother. Only Michael is the only one who believes Lincoln is innocent. Until some weird dude shows up and starts making moves on Lincoln’s lawyer / ex-bae. But Lincoln also has an ex-wife and kid. So Michael decides to break his brother out but Michael figures out that one of the other inmates is D.B. Cooper. Yanno, the guy who hijacked a plane and got away? So Micahel decides to break D.B. Cooper out of prison too. And Michael breaks his cellmate out, because he’s cool like that. And this mobster guy who needs the identity of an informant named Fibonacci. And then there’s these other inmates who figure out Michael is planning and escape and they want in too, so Michael’s like, “Gah, fine, y’all can come too.”

So they all break out, but then Michael ends up in another prison and they have to break him out of that too. And there’s all these government conspiracy people trying to kill them. And finally, after four seasons, the ratings took a dive and Fox cancelled the show. But they brought it back with a TV movie where Michael dies. But Michael has brain cancer anyway, so he decides to do one last prison break. But he dies doing it. No biggie, because cancer.  So this TV movie ends the show with Michael dead.

Until… TONIGHT!!! That’s right, people!!! MICHAEL IS ALIVE!!!!

Okay, so that’s kind of a spoiler, but not really. Roll with me here, people!

Prison Break season 5 opens with Michael talking about how he’s dead and how the dead can talk to the living and stuff, but Patchy knew he wasn’t really dead. NOPE! And there’s this really nasty prisoner who escaped with them named T-Bag, and they made him go back to prison because he’s so nasty but he’s being released from prison AGAIN even though nobody can figure out why, ’cause he’s nasty. But he gets a letter with a picture of Micahel in it. And so T-Bag goes to Lincoln’s house, but Lincoln is out being a small-time crook or something, chased by bad guys. Anyway, Lincoln comes home and threatens to beat T-Bag up, until T-Bag shows Lincoln the picture.

Patchy can’t say anymore without giving away MAJOR SPOILERS. But let’s just say, when Lincoln finds out Michael is alive, he digs up a grave and wears a casket jacket. You’ll figure out what that means when you watch it!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Prison Break is BACK!!!! Its like they figured out the best parts of the show and just did those parts tonight in the new episode. And we got to see so many old characters. There was Lincoln, Sarah (who Patchy doesn’t like much, because she was Lori on The Walking Dead), T-Bag, C-Note, Sucre… AND MICHAEL!!!! Patchy wants to see Agent Kellerman back, though. Here’s hoping.

The only thing you really need to know to enjoy Prison Break is that it doesn’t make sense. It kinda did at first, but then it was all like, “Hey, we’re too cool to make sense.” So it stopped. And it was awesome.

Whenever something happens that doesn’t make sense, just roll with it. Guy gets his arm ripped off and starts wearing a mannequin arm? Roll with it! Guy spends 5 years in a community center and learns perfect Arabic? Roll with it!

Prison Break is awesome. Just don’t overthink it. It’s like Gotham. It’s awesome. It’s crazy. It’s unpredictable. And that’s why Patchy LOVES IT!!!!

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