Patchy's Blog


If you’ve ever watched Prison Break on the TV, and not on the Netty-flixy, you know that they like to run commercials teasing the big escape before the big escape happens. WELP, THEY DID IT AGAIN!!!! This was supposed to be the week Michael escaped from prison, but… IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS, DON’T READ NO MORE. OKAY?

Here’s the deal, Sara’s husband is a jerk face. He’s still alive. Patchy doesn’t know why.

Did you see the Prison Break: The Final Escape TV movie? It was supposed to end the series. In the TV movie, Sara gets locked up in prison and Michael dies trying to break her out. Patchy has no idea why they wanted to kill Michael, but they did. Remember, he had brain cancer in the last season? So… Sara thought Michael was dead and she married this Jerkface McJerkison who got shot in the first episode BUT HASN’T DIED. In fact, he’s AWAKE AND TALKING!!! Ugh. Patchy figures he’ll be dead by episode 9 (the final episode, 🙁 ).

Anyway… Michael needed a watch from a guard to do the escape. And when that happened in season 1, they got Tweener to snatch the watch. But Tweener ain’t around this season, so Michael picked a fight with this guy he’s supposed to be breaking out of prison and the guard came to break up the fight. HOW CONVENIENT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And Michael got the watch and he started the escape and Lincoln had to go rescue his Bae from this rapist creep with broken wayfarer sunglasses who tied her up and tried to rape her. Lincoln beat the guy up pretty bad, but not bad enough. I mean, Lincoln should’ve knocked his one good eyeball out. But Lincoln didn’t. So Patchy’s pretty sure broken wayfarer rapist guy will be back. UGH.

Oh, and to get out of prison, they shut the power off IN THE WHOLE CITY!!! It was CRAZY!!! So the escape start and they get up on the roof… AND THE GUARDS CATCH THEM!!!

Michael’s pretty sure he’s gonna die now and so he left a message for Sara. “Sara,” he said. “I’ve never stopped loving you.” WELP! Is he in for a SURPRISE!!!

So that’s what happened this week on Prison Break. If you missed it, you can watch it on the FoxNow app! And maybe on Hulu, but you’ll have to check that yourself. Patchy don’t have Hulu… YET!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


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