Patchy's Blog

KEVIN PROBABLY SAVES THE WORLD SEASON 1 EPISODES 4 AND 5!!!!!!!!

So last week’s was the episode of Kevin Probably Saves the World that came on Halloween night. Patchy missed it because Patchy and Patchette had this little Halloween party thing going on. We watched The Haunting on Turner Classic Movies!!!!! Such a great movie and IT GAVE PATCHETTE NIGHTMARES. Ugh. Good luck getting Patchette to ever watch anything scary again.

Patchy and Patchette watched this episode of Kevin Probably Saves the World on Saturday night because Halt and Catch Fire is not on anymore and it won’t ever be on again because the show got cancelled. BOOOOOO!!!!!! Also… Patchy forgot to blog the episode before this because… well… Patchy didn’t feel much like blogging. Patchy’s sorry… Patchy’s not a very good TV blogging zombie.

Anyway, these were BIG EPISODES for Kevin, Yvette, Reese, and Amy…

SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP

Reese has been following Kevin around and watching all kinds of crazy stuff happen. Technically, it’s all Amy’s fault… she’s the one who started the whole “let’s stalk Kevin” thing when they caught Kevin skipping out of therapy. Then Reese saw Kevin fall off a roof and not get hurt because Yvette saved him.

Welp… this week, Kevin is hanging out at his favorite place to hang out, this restaurant owned by a woman named Lucile. And Lucile… she DOESN’T LIKE KEVIN ONE BIT!!!! So Yvette is all moody because hanging around humans has made her catch emotions, and she tells Kevin he needs to get out of that restaurant and go do whatever the Universe wants of him… except every door he tries to go out just takes him back inside another door into the restaurant. He ends up in the kitchen, where Lucile KICKS HIM OUT. Then Lucile says his mustache looks pervy and threatens to fire Kevin’s friend if Kevin doesn’t order something expensive.

Kevin tells his friend to stand up for himself and asks why he keeps working there. Turns out, he doesn’t have a car!!!! So Kevin finds him this really sketch deal on a really nice Impala LT. Like, the guy only wants a couple hundred dollars for it and the book value should be north of six grand unless it has half a million miles on it or something crazy. Anyway… they do the deal, Kevin’s friend backs out of the driveway with Kevin in the passenger seat… and the car gets T-BONED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

And guess who’s watching it happen? Reese!!!! She’s hiding out, stalking Kevin. And Kevin’s not hurt in the crash because Yvette rips the passenger door AND the passenger seat out of the car. So when Kevin opens his eyes and stops screaming, he realizes his FAR AWAY from the actual crash. And Reese starts thinking that Kevin is a SUPERHERO!!!!!

So Kevin takes his friend back to the restaurant and tells him to stand up for himself when Lucile starts acting mean… and his friend DOES. He says, “Kevin, you need to leave!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Turns out Lucile has a bad relationship with her sister, and they’re both arguing over some clock that’s in storage that’s supposed to be worth a lot of money. Lucile wants it moved out of storage, so Kevin volunteers. He goes and cleans out this storage locker and gets the clock and brings it to Lucile and… OF COURSE… it turns out he just STOLE the clock.

So Kevin goes to talk to the sister and try to mend their broken relationship and it turns out her sister won’t let her have it because they both say it’s the only thing their dad left them that was worth anything. So Kevin slips up and says something about the clock and Lucile’s sister goes BALLISTIC!!!!! She demands that Kevin get the clock back, so Kevin decides to break into Lucile’s house and steal it. And guess who follows him… REESE!!!!! Welp, Kevin’s not a great burglar and of course he gets caught and Reese offers him a way to escape and says she’ll be fine but he has to leave before the cops get there… and as he’s running away, he has a vision of an Asian market somewhere that looks TOTALLY MAGICAL. And while he’s standing there admiring the beauty in his vision, a police officer shows up and TAZES HIM!!!!!!!

Of course, Kevin isn’t the only one who got caught. Reese did, too. And the cop who has a crush on Amy is trying to figure out what’s going on. Kevin calls his friend, and then Lucile comes down to the station and tells them that she won’t be pressing charges. Why? Because Kevin’s friend threatened to QUIT HIS JOB unless she dropped the charges. So she did. Because deep down, she really likes him and he’s Lucile’s only friend. AWWWWWW!!!!!

The two sisters meet at the restaurant to argue over the clock and, of course, Kevin screws up and drops the thing and destroys it. Except he finds a label inside where it was made in Michigan… they decide it was worthless, but seriously people, any craft item like that made in the United States of America HAS SOME VALUE!!!!! C’MON!!!!!

The sisters decide to love each other again and all’s well, right? Except…. Amy ain’t very happy that Reese got caught up in Kevin’s mess and she’s determined to figure out what’s going on.

So the NEXT EPISODE starts with Reese talking about how Kevin is a super hero. She’s even made a comic book of Kevin in an old composition notebook. She’s determined to figure out his secret. Because Reese is SUPER SMART. And Kevin is… well… an enigma.

So Kevin gets his severance check from his big-shot Wall Street job where he ripped people off for OBSCENE amounts of money. He goes to deposit it in an ATM.. because… that’s what people AWLAYS do with a $29,500 check… RIGHT!? Anyway, the ATM spits out a coupon for chapstick and $12… that’s all. So Yvette tells Kevin that the universe must think his lips are chapped. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

So Yvette tells Kevin that he needs to give away all his money and do nice things for the people around him, to make people happy. And Kevin goes to a convince store to figure out the chap stick thing, sees a guy buying stuff and he forgot his wallet AND THAT STUFF INCLUDES CHAP STICK… so Kevin offers his coupon and the total comes out to be EXACTLY $12. So Kevin pays the $12.

And then Kevin goes about giving away ALL his severance money in pretty awesome ways. Like… he buys out an ice cream truck and gives all the ice cream away for free, and he buys new iMac computers for Reese’s school (and his ex-bae Kristin just happens to work there too… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!). The ATM eventually spits out the last of Kevin’s money and a prescription for insulin. So Kevin gets the prescription filled and goes to take it to its owner and… it’s a teenage kid!!!! He’s in Reese’s class!!!! Kevin hands over the insulin and then the kid’s mom comes to the door and FREAKS OUT!!!!! She tells Kevin, “You’re a grown man giving drugs to a teenage boy!” And he IS!!!!!!!!! It’s truuuUUUUUUuueeee!!!!!!

So Yvette is FRUSTRATED. She wants to quit. Kevin doesn’t have any visions and the mom just threw the insulin back in their face and Yvette doesn’t know what to do!!!! But Kevin does. Kevin asks Reese to take the kid’s insulin to him at school. And she does. And it’s kinda awkward but also kinda cute because she OBVIOUSLY has a crush on the guy and he pretty much has a crush on her too. AWWWWWWWW!!!!! YOUNG LOVE!!!!!!

Then the woman shows up at Amy’s house and she’s STILL FURIOUS!!!! She throws the insulin at Kevin AGAIN and tells him that she’ll pay for her son’s medicine herself!!!! And then she storms off. Kevin follows her and she breaks down, telling him she’s $30,000 in debt and her ex-husband is a deadbeat. UH OH!!!!! Kevin just GAVE AWAY nearly $30,000!!!!!!

Yvette tells Kevin to ASSURE her that they’ll get her money for her… and then they go pay the ex a visit. And this dude looks like he’s about 25 with a shaved head and a full beard and he’s driving a Firebird from the ’90s. Now, there’s nothing wrong with driving a vintage vehicle, but the whole thing just screams JERKFACE!!!!!

Yvette got road rage on the way over to see the guy and then the guy told Kevin that if his wife can’t afford medicine then she shouldn’t have had a sick kid and Yvette tells Kevin to make a fist… Kevin does… and Yvette takes Kevin’s fist and BEATS THE EVER LIVING CRAP OUT OF THE GUY!!!! The whole time Kevin is apologizing, saying he can’t help it… and he can’t because it’s really Yvette doing it USING Kevin’s fist. Anyway, cut to the next scene, and Kevin is giving the kid’s mom the first of many checks. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Then Kevin runs into the guy from the convenience store, and the guy says thank you and asks if he can buy Kevin a beer or something… and he gives Kevin his card… and he’s a LAWYER!!!!! So Kevin decides to take him up on that beer, and do it at the kid’s house so the lawyer can help the kid’s mom get her money back, and Kevin has ANOTHER VISION!!!!! This time he’s in a jungle, and there’s a TIGER!!!!!

Then he hears the mom knocking on the bathroom door, turns around, and sees her there all concerned because Kevin’s been gone so long. She hugs him and thanks him… and Kevin goes home. Except… Amy found Reese’s comic book and now she wants Kevin GONE!!!!! OUT!!!! AWAY FROM HER DAUGHTER!!!!! Can we say… CLIFFHANGER ENDING!?!?!?

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